


My point of destination's different from where I'm headed

by Redpandapenguin



Series: destinations [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Middle School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Car Accidents, Child Abuse, Dysphoria, Foster Care, Homophobia, Hospitals, In the Heights References, Mental Health Issues, More tags to be added, Multi, Not until later chapters, Self Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, THIS IS SO BADLY WRITTEN DONT READ IF YOU'RE EXPECTING QUALITY THANKS, Trans Alexander Hamilton, Trans Characters, Trans John Laurens, Transphobia, also this is rlly bad lmao, bc im trashh, ngl, not rlly tho but they think it is, so ya, this is SO CRACKY OH MY GOD, umm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-06
Updated: 2017-07-04
Packaged: 2018-08-29 07:46:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8481355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redpandapenguin/pseuds/Redpandapenguin
Summary: Alex has never had a real family. Maybe he finally will.Title is from My Shot (Rise Up Remix) from The Hamilton Mixtape.





	1. Day 1, 12:45

As Alexander was riding in the passenger seat of the Sudan, he looked out the window at the houses as they passed by. Not houses, mansions. He felt so… out of place in his baggy sweatshirt and ripped jeans, with his split lip and bruised up face.  
He probably looked like a criminal.  
He watched as the car pulled into the driveway of a house, one on the larger scale, probably ten bedrooms, and stopped near the end of the driveway.  
As he climbed out of the car, he saw the family who he was going to be living with. Six kids already. He was the seventh.  
The man, the father, he assumed, waved them over, saying “Why you must be Miss Rachel Hamilton! Why don’t you come inside? Do you want to stay for supper, Samuel?”  
Alexander begged that they wouldn’t let his case worker, Samuel Seabury, stay. He had been everything but good to Alex since he arrived from the Caribbean three months ago.  
He left out a sigh of relief as Samuel said he had some work to finish up with back at CPS. He walked inside, following the herd of children.  
“Why doesn’t everybody introduce themselves?” George said. It didn’t sound harsh in any way. Huh.  
“Umm ok I’m John Laurens. I’m 13, and I’ve been with George and Martha since I was 11.”  
“Bonjour! My name is long and French, so you can just call me Lafayette. I’m 14 and have been here since I was six.”  
“My name is Angelica Schuyler. I’m 13, just like John. I’ve been here since I was 10.”  
“Hi Im Eliza Schuyler I’m 11. I’ve been here since I was 8.”  
“Im Peggy. Im 9. I’ve been here since I was 6.”  
“Aaron Burr. 12. Been here since I was 11.”  
“Ok Hi everyone you might think Im Rachel Hamilton but Im not Rachel and im not a girl either.”  
Everyone looked at him in surprise.  
George finally said “Well what is your name?”  
“My name is Alexander Hamilton. Im a boy. I’m 12. Umm I guess I like to write an stuff. I don’t really know though. I moved here from the Caribbean after my mom…. Uhh anyway theres a million things I haven’t done, but just you wait.”  
“Cool.”  
Alex immediately recognized that voice as John.  
“Why doesn’t everyone go help Laf and John with dinner while I talk to Alex.”  
He heard footsteps going out of the room, then an excited shout of “Can I add the sauce?” He got pulled out of his trance by George talking.  
“Okay Alexander. One thing we do in this house is we bring every one of our new kids to a psychiatrist. Our psychiatrist is named Alice. She specializes in orphans and abused children. Everyone here goes to her once a week. I would like to book you an appointment for tomorrow. Would you prefer morning or afternoon?”  
“Morning” he heard himself say, almost automatically.  
“Ok Alexander that’s fine. How about nine AM?”  
“It’s Alex.” Oh my god he talked back.  
“Ok Alex. Well do you want to go unpack?”  
“Yea” He said in a small voice. He had never seen a psychiatrist before.  
“Your room is upstairs, first door on the left.”  
He walked up the stairs, then went into the first door on the left.  
His room had emerald green walls, a full bed, a desk, and bookshelves stock full off books. He noticed a small door in the corner. Opening it, he found an in-suite bathroom. He set down on his bed, fully intending to unpack. Instead, he lay down, and let the sweet embrace of sleep overtake him.


	2. Day 2, 7:23 AM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex has his appointment with Alice, and the other kids open up to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahah i'll try to make this shorter than last time bc honestly that was trashy  
> so anyway me and my fiance are doing great i know you were all wondering bc i used to be forever alone then i met her anyway i sound trashy  
> ok this is just as trashy as last time possibly even more idk but  
> im trying tell me if this is horrific to read and i will stop ok ok

He woke up to hushed voices, one with a heavy French accent and one soft, like brown sugar.  
“Should we wake him up?”  
“I don’t know, Mon petit lion looks very peaceful”  
“I think we should”  
“Whatever you want Liza”  
He then felt a hand on his shoulder, which made him open his eyes slowly.  
“What time is it?” He said.  
“Nearly seven thirty” Eliza said.  
“At night??”  
“In the morning”  
“Wow. I can’t remember the last time I slept a whole night.”  
“Wow.. Ok. Hey GWash told us that you have an appointment with Alice today? She’s super great, and she helpled us so much. Turns out most of us aren’t exactly mental illness free.”  
“Everyone except you, Liza.”  
“Whatever laf, I make up for it in my beauty, cinnamon roll powers, and Crohns disease.”  
Alex lets out a chuckle at that.  
“Hey Alex, George went out last night and bought you a couple sweaters, for some clothes, because most your clothes are girl clothes, and he thought you deserved some boy clothes.” Eliza said.  
“Wow umm thanks?? Ok leave so I can get dressed.”  
“ugh fine bye” they said, almost simultaneously.  
He looked in his dresser to find a weird tank top like thing and a note. The note said: “Hey Alex, I know that you are trans, so I thought you might like some clothes that match you. This thing is a binder. You put it on over your head and boom. I only know about this because John is trans as well. He will tell you if he wants. Don’t mention this to him though. Sincerely, George”  
Ok. He has an hour before they should leave for his appointment, so he gets dressed now. He slips on the binder, with some difficulty, over his developing boobs. His chest is flat. He then finds a sweater to wear. He decides on an emerald green one, because it suits his eyes. He’s careful not to look at his arms; it’ll just make him do it more.  
As he approaches the kitchen, he hears laughing.   
When he opens the door, he sees a coffee pot brewing. He immediately gravitates towards it, and is excited when he sees a mug right beside it. Realizing he snuck in unseen, he grabs the mug and pours the coffee into it.  
“Alexander you’re awake!” Says a voice, John, he remembers.  
“Yeah I just need coffee gimme a sec” He said groggily.   
“Alex you are twelve.”  
“Coffee.”  
He finishes half of his cup in one drink. Ahh, caffeine.  
He eats breakfast, then George comes in and says it’s time to go.   
They get into George’s car; Alex being terrified of what’s to come.  
One they get to the office; they go into a waiting room.  
Is this supposed to feel homely? Because it doesn’t. It feels terrifying.  
Ten minutes after they get there, their name gets called. Or rather, George’s name gets called.  
As they go in, George reassures Alex that it will be okay.   
George comes into the therapist’s office with him.  
“Hi! You must be Alexander! My name is Alice, and I’m a psychiatrist who specializes in Orphaned and abused children.” The woman said.  
“Ok.” Alex said, barely above a whisper.   
“Now Alex, George can wait in the waiting room or in here. He won’t be offended either way. The only kid who wanted him in here was Peggy, but she doesn’t any more.”  
“Umm could you wait in the waiting room… please.”  
“That’s completely ok.” George said. He then proceeded to leave the room.  
“Now Alex, how about you tell me your life story? Then we can get you the right diagnosis, and we can get you feeling better.”  
“Ok. Well I was born in Nevis, in the Caribbean. I speak French, Spanish, English, and Haitian Creole, because those are what they speak there. Umm I have a brother, James, He’s 16... I don’t know where he is….. He could’ve died… or he could’ve just left… like everyone else… anyway.. my dad bounced when I was ten. Umm about five months ago mea and my mom…. We got sick.. they said she would survive but she died. She died holding me and it was my fault because I got her sick and I ruin everything and I just want to not ruin everything I just don’t want to be hated anymore” He said. He was sobbing now. He was sobbing in the middle of a therapists office.  
“Then I was fostered by the kings. They seemed nice enough but then they hit me, they said my mother was a whore she wasn’t a whore so then I fought back, and I was beat, then they picked me up and now I’m here.” He finished.  
“Alex do you ever hurt yourself?”  
Alex gave a weak nod.  
“Can you show me?”  
He pulls down his sweater sleeve, showing cuts in railroad track-like lines down his wrists in multiple rows.  
“Ok have you ever had panic attacks or anything before?”  
“yeah.. why??”  
“Ok is it Okay if I call George back in here?”  
He nods.  
She peaks her head out of the door, calling George’s name.  
George walks in, sitting on the couch next to Alex.   
“Ok I think we have a diagnosis for Alex here.” Alice says with a smile.  
“Ok lay it on me.” George says.   
“I think Alex has Panic Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Severe Depression, and a Severe case of Borderline Personality Disorder.”  
“Ok.” George said.  
“I recommend he get him on 10 milligrams of Xanax, 20 milligrams of...” Alex blocked her out. He didn’t need to hear her talk about the medication they would use to fix him. He didn’t need that. Tuning back in he heard “I recommend the personality disorder group, the one that Aaron goes to, weekly sessions with me, and the trans teen support group John goes to.”  
“Thank you.” George says. “Thank you so much.”  
“Guys! We’re ho-ome!”  
“George”  
“Yes Angelica?”  
“Can we tell Alex about us?”  
“Yeah. Why don’t you sit down on the couch guys?”  
“Ok I’ll go first since I asked. So when I came here, Laf was the only one here, so he and I became friends. He started having panic attacks an stuff, so George made us all go see Alice. It turns out I have OCD. So that’s fun.   
Eliza went next.  
“Umm I don’t have a mental illness but I have Crohns Disease. So yeah.”  
Then Peggy.   
“I have ADHD.”  
John.  
“I have PTSD from... him... and I have depression. Also, I’m very much trans so Alex hit me up please”  
Then Lafayette.  
“I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, so yeah, that’s fun.”  
And Aaron.  
“I have Schizotypal Personality disorder, so that’s always fun.”  
Alex felt obliged to speak.  
“Umm so today I went to see Alice and she diagnosed me with Depression, GAD, panic disorder, and Borderline Personality Disorder, but I don’t want you guys to pity me because I have these I just wanna be the same guy… ya know?”  
At that moment, Johns phone decides to ring. He checks it, immediately saying “Holy shit why is he calling me?” picking up, and running out of the room.  
The rest of the group exchanged knowing glances. They must’ve noticed Alex’s confusion because Angelica went “His dad.”  
Immediately George went “LANGUAGE JOHN LAURENS”  
Naturally, Alex went “Well I’d be freaked out if my dad called too. Like “Rachel Hamilton did you…” yes dad I so want to talk to you thanks for abandoning us!! He’s a horrible person.”  
“John’s dad is Henry Laurens.”  
“Like senator Henry Laurens? Like Trans people are literally made of pure sin™? Gays to hell? That Henry Laurens??”   
“Why do you think John’s here?”  
That’s when John entered the room.  
“Wow the dick man had the nerve to call me AND say Jacqueline Laurens are you in New York?? Like no dad Jacqueline Laurens is not here I don’t know who she is but that’s and ugly name not gonna lie. Haha this is why im so depressed”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welp john is trans now when did this happen idk i dont have a story line planned out anD MULTIPLE suicide attempts and relapsing across the board so beware peeps bc if THAT TRIGGERS YOU I WILL PUT WARNINGS IN FRONT OF EACH CHAPTER W/ THAT SO JUST OK   
> also if you only listen to hamilton and no other musical, a good gateway to other musicals is In the Heights by my child Lin so just check it out. My fav song from it is 'The Club' so ya just enjoy.   
> My fiance doesn't like it tho so   
> I should stop talking about my fiance but oh well


	3. Its gettin angsty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some cute bonding experiences and also a bunch of angst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> triggers in the end notes!! stay safe :*
> 
> love u <33

“Language John you are thirteen!” George said, after a thirty second long silence.  
“Well I’ve been through a lot so I’m going to call Henry a dick. Ok? Ok.” John said after.  
“Umm well I call James a dick too so… I mean come on you can’t just leave when your children are 10 and 16 like that’s such a dick move… like you didn’t even pay child fees or whatever…… ugh” Alex said after a few moments of silence.  
“Ok I’m going to bed Alex. I think you should too.” John said.  
“Ok.”   
Alex quickly changed into pajamas, taking his binder off. He didn’t sleep right away, though. He pulled out his notebook and began to write.  
The last thing he saw before he drifted off the sleep was the clock saying 3:57 AM.  
\------------------------------------------_------------------------------------  
John loudly woke him up in the morning.  
“Hey Alex it’s Saturday! Today George and Martha are taking you shopping! Well, not just you, the whole fam, but ya know whatever!”  
“John, it is literally 7 AM on a Saturday morning! Let me live!”  
“Lol no. We’re going to the mall and we’re gonna get you some new clothes and a phone and stuff so ya.”  
“Ok fine I am up!”  
“Ok, come on down.”  
Alex walked down in what he slept in. Oversized blue sweater, oversized greyish-blue shirt and greyish white sweatpants. He slipped on some red plaid slippers as he walked out his bedroom door.  
As they walked into the kitchen, they saw Laf, who was making breakfast.  
“I have pancakes, mon ami, if you want some.”  
“Okay, great.”  
Then Angelica and Eliza walked in.   
“Hey Alex, we’re going to the mall today did you hear?” Angelica asked.  
“Yeah, John kinda screamed it in my face this morning.”  
Laf passed out the pancakes, which were by far the best Alex had had in a long time, which isn’t saying much, seeing as he hadn’t had pancakes for… a long time.  
“Hey John, Lets go play like a board game or something until we leave” Alex said.  
“Kay fam, that’s chill.”  
Alex, however, did not want to play a board game. He wanted to talk to John about trans things.  
“Hey John, how did you come out?”  
“Well, okay so. I came out at age 10, its why my parents started hitting me and stuff. My dads a notable politician, a conservative one, and he couldn’t stand to have a ‘daughter who wants to be a boy’. At age 11, when I didn’t get anything for my birthday, I knew something was up. I looked up the number for CPS and was brought here.”  
“Oh well, umm I’m sorry that you umm were abused but you’re okay now, surely?”  
“yeah.”  
\--------------------  
Time skip-3 hours, 11 am  
\--------------------  
They were suddenly brought out of their little bubble when they heard a voice tell them its time to go to the mall.  
All of the kids piled into the Washington’s minivan, Laf in the front, since he was the oldest.   
Everyone around him began talking and John started telling Alex stories.  
“Alex omg so basically at school there’s these kids, Charles Lee and George Frederick, and they protest trans rights and gay rights and stuff. So I think we should like team up on them! Omg you should join the GSA, I’m one of the only trans people there, I think you’ll love it.”  
“Yeah John that sounds noice.”  
“Alex, did you just say noice?” They heard a new voice say.  
It was Eliza.  
“Ya do you have a problem?”  
“No I just, nevermind.”  
They were so busy talking that the group didn’t even realize that they were at the mall.  
The group split apart, one person in each group having a credit card.  
Alex, Joh, and Eliza were together, so they headed to some clothes store first.  
John dragged him to the mens clothes, saying “Alex you can pick whatever you want just make sure you don’t die I’ll be with ‘Liza somewhere have fun!”  
They ran off, leaving Alex alone.  
He wondered around for a bit, picked out some clothes, before running straight into someone.  
“What do you think you’re doing?”  
He looked up, seeing someone who looked his age, but was at least six inches taller than him.  
“I’m just walking but it seems you’re too arrogant to even realize that some people actually come to a store to shop, and not just too come and walk without even looking where you’re going so you can yell at people for doing absolutely nothing!”  
The other guy looked Alex up and down, smirking.   
“Don’t you touch him!”   
John. John saw Alex yell at someone and now he’s gonna hate Alex. God, he’s so annoying.  
“Oh I see you’re associating with the tranny. I guess I’m not gonna offer you my friendship. Maybe you’re one too?”  
“Wha- No- I-“  
His throat started closing, his hands started shaking, and everything around him was spinning.  
No. He was not about to have a panic attack around someone who he’s trying to stand up too.  
He ran. He didn’t know where he was going, but he just ran. He saw changing rooms somewhere…   
JOHNS POV  
John didn’t know what was happening.  
In one moment, Charles Lee was spewing hate at him and Alex, the next Alex was gone.  
He did the one thing he could.  
He punched Lee.  
He heard Eliza say “We should go”, so they did. They ran in the direction Alex had gone, and found the changing rooms.  
They heard hyperventilating from one, so they opened the door. They found Alex curled into a ball, shaking.  
“Alex, breathe. 1,2,3, 3,2,1.” Eliza kept saying this for five more minutes, until Alex had finally calmed down.  
They went to check out as quickly as possible and left.   
They went to the car, and met the rest of the group here.  
They all piled into the car, George asking about their day as they pulled out onto the Freeway.  
Alex started talking, babbling away about how he found this great shirt, or something.   
As they were crossing an intersection, everything went black.  
The last thing he heard was a crash, screaming, and then silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im lowkey not sorry but also lowkey sorry??//  
> idk  
> i think its kinda too early for this angst but whatever  
> so umm anyway i dont have a beta so im sorry for any mistakes bc i wrote this on my phone during a 5 hour car ride so just?//////////  
> ok
> 
> triggers for bullying and like car crashes also homophobic and trans phobic slurs !!!


	4. ow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex wakes up in the hospital

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok just disclaimer i have never been admitted to a hospital and the majority of my knowledge comes from greys anatomy and scrubs so just  
> i hope i did this good??

When Alex woke up, he was in an unfamiliar completely white room.  
A hospital room.  
He had something in his nose. An oxygen tube maybe?  
His arm felt heavy. He tried moving his head, until realizing he had something around his neck.  
A neck brace?  
Wait, did he break his neck?  
Then he heard the door open.  
“Alright Ms. Hamilton, my name is Dr. Miranda. It seems you have a compound arm fracture, so you had to have surgery on your arm. You also had an open tibia fracture, so you have a cast on your leg. You also have a neck brace because you have severe whiplash and you pulled a muscle in your neck. We are going to change it to a soft brace, we just wanted you to wake up first. We don’t know if you can talk though, so can you try doing that?”  
It was a doctor then. Ok.  
“hi.”  
Alex’s voice sounded raspy, weak.  
“Well hello then. We have some updates on your family, if you would like them.”  
“Ok. Can you tell me all of them?” Alex said, quieter this time. His throat really hurt.  
“Ok. So, we have a Peggy Schuyler. She was probably the least affected by the crash, being in the back on the other side from where the car hit. She has a fractured skull and she cut open her jaw. She’ll be fine. So then next to her was one Aaron Burr. He sustained 3 fractured ribs, a broken collarbone, and a right arm fracture. Next to him was Angelica. You and her were both on the right side of the car, so you both were right in the crash. She has a broken femur and elbow. Next to you was a Jacqueline Laurens. She has a fractured nose and jaw, and she has severe whiplash. Then Eliza. She has a fractured hip. The in the front seat was Gilbert de Lafayette. He has a mild concussion, a dislocated knee, and a broken hand.”  
Wow. So they’re all okay.  
“We want to put all of you in therapy for the PTSD that you may have. We’re gonna discharge all of you tomorrow if nothing goes wrong.”  
“No we’re all already in therapy.”  
“Ok. I’ll leave you too it then, your parents will be in here soon.”  
Alex heard the door slam. He was alone.  
Eventually the door opened again.  
It was a nurse. She changed his brace from hard to soft and move him so he was sitting up.  
She left, and a while later someone else came in.  
It had to be at least an hour?  
“Hey Alex.” It was George.  
“hi”  
“Hey so they said that you can go see the others.”  
“Wait, but we’ve only been here for what? Like 6 hours?”  
“Alex you were asleep for 8 days.”  
“What?! Wait, where’s Martha?”  
“Oh she’s with Peggy.”  
“Ok can we go see them please?”  
“Sure thing kid.”  
George lifted him out of bed and into the wheelchair.  
George pushed him out of the room.  
His room opened up into a hallway. They passed a kid walking with her mom, and a kid in a wheelchair. Everyone was giving Alex pitiful looks.  
They arrived at a door, and George pushed him in.  
He saw John, sitting up on a bed. He had his neck in a soft brace as well, and his face was all bandaged up. Alex was guessing he couldn’t talk, seeing as he had a whiteboard that he was writing on.  
_Hey Alex!! It about time you showed up._  
“Hey it isn’t my fault that I slept for 8 days.”  
Sure…  
George left, leaving John and Alex alone.  
“So I see you broke your face.”  
_So I see you broke yourself._  
“I want to go see the others. Do you wanna go?”  
_Sure, I’m pushing you though, mr. broken arm._  
“Ugh fine. I don’t need your help though.”  
Alexander!!!!!!! Yes u do  
“Fine whatever”  
_Just warning you, its common here for people to just look at you and then go “what happened to you?” don’t question it._  
“Ok lez go”  
They left, eventually stopping at a door.  
They walked in, and saw Eliza propped up in the bed, watching some drama on the TV.  
“Hey guys.”  
“Hey ‘Liza. They’re discharging us in tomorrow, did you hear?”  
“Yep.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayy if u liked it leave a kudos !!!!!!  
> thanks <3


	5. not a chapter :v

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im rewriting this fic :0

this fic is going to be rewritten with more accurate details!  
because today i reread it and lets face it   
THIS FIC IS TRASH  
so uh yeah im gonna rewrite it (and put it into the same series) but uh yeah be on the lookout for the rewrite because it shouldnt take too long  
im gonna write some characters /more closed off/ and maybe honestly cut the therapy scene out?  
idk idk  
but uh anyways yeah   
so this fic isnt dead  
well it is technically but im gonna rewrite it into a series of oneshots!!  
so yeah uh bye


End file.
